However on "going back out there" I realised that my past is now affecting my future. I am still hanging on to those horrible experiences and putting them slap bang in the middle of any potential partner and myself. Perhaps this is a protection thing ? Perhaps this is all coming to the front again as it still needs dealing with ? I think the way to stop the past affecting the future is by just going out there and "doing it" but with new rules.
Don't let past abusers affect future happiness. Whilst doing that we are still giving them power over us and this is not acceptable !! A way of challenging these thoughts is by going through the Challenging negative thoughts page on here or asking the following questions ...
Am I falling into a thinking trap (e.g., catastrophizing or overestimating danger)?
What is the evidence that this thought is true? What is the evidence that this thought is not true?
Have I confused a thought with a fact?
What would I tell a friend if he/she had the same thought?
What would a friend say about my thought?
Am I 100% sure that ___________will happen?
How many times has __________happened before?
Have I thought this before and my worst thoughts havent happened ?
Is __________so important that my future depends on it?
What is the worst that could happen?
If it did happen, what could I do to cope with or handle it?
Is my judgment based on the way I feel instead of facts?
Am I confusing “possibility” with “certainty”? It may be possible,
but is it likely?
Can I change this thought to a positive thought ? IF the answer is YES then DO IT !