Someone once asked me "how would I get over it if my husband left me ? Why would I bother to live anymore ? What would be the point ?

My reply was "then you would bring your levels down and you would cope, one day at a time, step by step"

At the time I kind of knew what I meant but didn't know how to explain it, now that I have done a lot more work around thought process I do know what I mean and this is it. 

If we put all our energies into something on the outside of ourselves when it changes or goes "off plan" then we become lost, without that thing that we put our life into we forget our own lives and without our own lives we cease to live. 

Without life in ourselves we wonder why we are here ? Wonder what is the point and what we have to live for ?

Therefore it is so important to 1. attend to our own human needs and 2. If we have put our faith in something out of our control and it goes "off plan" we need to "bring our levels down". 

By levels I mean our expectations. We may have to completely strip ourselves right back to basics to just eating, sleeping, and breathing before we can build ourselves back up again. But by doing the very basic levels of life we can begin to put those levels in as footholds onto the next level, kind of like climbing steps, after a devastating life event or something that goes "off plan" we fall right down to the first one but by bringing our levels down we are able to build them back up again.

It doesn't matter how slowly or how long we ponder on each step but as long as we are going forwards, or upwards thats all that counts. Each tiny step forward is enough to make a giant leap eventually and we will get there.

So if life hands you some rough cards "bring your levels down" start again from the bottom and work up. 

Just make sure you keep moving ! If you slip a step, don't worry just means you need to pay more attention to the step your on before moving to the next one, thats all !!

By the way, all this stuff is my take on things and sometimes it may not come out right.

I just hope that it makes sense to someone and if one small p of what I say and do helps someone feel better then that's good enough for me !

Claire Jones

Right then, this one is a personal post from me and about my past in relationships where domestic violence was present. I had an abusive father who continually put me down, patronised me, told me I was never good enough. I know now that this is because he was putting his "stuff" onto me, taking it out on me rather than facing his own issues.  As a result of this I was bought up to think that being treated like shit by Men was normal and as a result of that had a series of not very nice relationships where I was both physically and mentally abused.  It wasn't until I disowned my father a few years ago that his voice in my head began to fade and I began to recover, however slowly.  It can take quite a while to get past negative voices out of your head and replace them with your own positive ones but it is possible and it can happen !! Now after letting go of unhelpful relationships with freinds and boyfreinds and some very hard work I think finally I have put the boundaries back in and standards required to have a respectful partner and not be treated like a doormat !

However on "going back out there" I realised that my past is now affecting my future. I am still hanging on to those horrible experiences and putting them slap bang in the middle of any potential partner and myself. Perhaps this is a protection thing ? Perhaps this is all coming to the front again as it still needs dealing with ? I think the way to stop the past affecting the future is by just going out there and "doing it" but with new rules.

Don't let past abusers affect future happiness.  Whilst doing that we are still giving them power over us and this is not acceptable !! A way of challenging these thoughts is by going through the Challenging negative thoughts page on here or asking the following questions ...

Am I falling into a thinking trap (e.g., catastrophizing or overestimating danger)?

What is the evidence that this thought is true? What is the evidence that this thought is not true?

Have I confused a thought with a fact?

What would I tell a friend if he/she had the same thought?

What would a friend say about my thought?

Am I 100% sure that ___________will happen?

How many times has __________happened before?

Have I thought this before and my worst thoughts havent happened ?

Is __________so important that my future depends on it?

What is the worst that could happen?

If it did happen, what could I do to cope with or handle it?

Is my judgment based on the way I feel instead of facts?

Am I confusing “possibility” with “certainty”? It may be possible,

but is it likely?

Can I change this thought to a positive thought ? IF the answer is YES then DO IT !

Namaste

www.su

From Imagination To Reality - Attracting Success With Mind Power By Remez Sasson

Creative visualization is a mental technique that uses the imagination to make dreams and goals come true. Used in the right way, creative visualization can improve your life and attract to you success and prosperity. It is a power that can alter your environment and circumstances, cause events to happen, and attract money, possessions, work, people and love into your life.

Creative visualization uses the power of the mind, and is the power behind every success.

By visualizing a certain event, situation, or an object, you attract it into our life. It is a process that is similar to daydreaming. For some people, this might look like magic, but there is no magic involved, only the natural process of the power of thoughts and natural mental laws. It is like having a genie at your disposal!

There are people who use this technique naturally in their everyday affairs, not being aware that they are using some sort of power. All successful people use it consciously or unconsciously, attracting the success they want into their life, by visualizing their goals as already accomplished.


Creative Visualization and the Power of Thoughts How does it work and why?

The subconscious mind accepts the thoughts that you often repeat. When it accepts them, it changes your mindset accordingly, as well as your habits and actions. This brings you into contact with new people, situations and circumstances.

Thoughts are endowed with a creative power that molds your life, and attracts what you think about.

Thoughts travel from one mind to another, and if they are strong enough, they can be unconsciously picked up by people, who are in a position to help you achieve your desires and goals.

We are part of the Omnipotent Power that has created the universe, and therefore, we participate in the process of creation. Bearing this thought in mind, there is no wonder that thoughts materialize.

Stop for a moment and think - You are an indivisible part of the great Universal Power! This means that your thoughts can come true! Not all your thoughts, but those that are focused, well-defined, and often-repeated.

Thought is energy, especially a focused thought, soaked with emotional energy. Thoughts change the balance of energy around us, and bring changes to the environment in accordance with them.

Most people think and repeat certain thoughts quite often. They focus their thoughts on their current environment and situation, and therefore, create and recreate the same sort of events and circumstances.

This process preserves the same "world" and status quo. It is like watching the same film over and again. The good news is that you can change the film by changing your thoughts. You can visualize different circumstances and situations, and in this way, create a different "reality".

By changing your thoughts and mental images, you change your "Reality". You are not employing magic or supernatural powers, but using only natural powers and laws that everyone possesses. It is not something "Material" that you change. You only change your thoughts and attitude, but they change and reshape your world.

If, for example, you live in small apartment and need a larger one, instead of brooding about your fate and lack of money, change your thoughts and attitude, and visualize living in a bigger apartment. This is not difficult to do. It is like daydreaming.


Overcoming Limited Thinking Creative visualization can do great things, but for every person, there are some areas, which he or she might find hard to change, at least in the immediate future. The power of visualization is a mighty power, but there are some limits to using it. These limits are within us, not in the power.

We often limit ourselves and cannot look beyond a limited circle. We limit ourselves by our thoughts and beliefs. We limit ourselves to the life we know.

The more open-minded we can be, and the bigger we dare to think, the greater are our opportunities and possibilities. Limitations are within our minds, and it is up to us to rise above them.

It may take some time until things start to change. Simple, small demonstrations of this power may come fast, but bigger results may need a longer time to happen.

The time and effort put forth in this study are really worthwhile. Have faith and patience and results will start appearing.

Positive thinking is a mental attitude that sees the bright side of things. A positive mind anticipates happiness, joy, health, and favorable results.

If you adopt this mental attitude, you teach your mind to expect success, growth and favorable outcomes.

Some people accept positive thinking as a fact, and believe in its effectiveness. Others, consider it as nonsense, and scoff at people who believe or accept it. Among the people who accept it, not many know how to use it effectively to get results.

However, it seems that many are becoming attracted to this subject, as evidenced by the many books, lectures and courses about it. This is a subject that is gaining popularity.

It is quite common to hear people telling others to "think positive", while these same people do not follow their own advice.

Most people don't take these words seriously, since they do not know what they really mean, or don't know how to change their mindset.

How many people do you know, who stop to think what the power of positive thinking means?

Positive thinking is a way of life. The following story illustrates how this power works:

Allan applied for a new job. However, he was sure that he was not going to get the job, since his self-esteem was low, and he considered himself as a failure and unworthy of success.

He had a negative attitude towards himself, and therefore, believed that the other applicants were better and more qualified than him. Allan manifested this attitude, due to his negative past experiences with job interviews.

Allan's mind was full with negative thoughts and fears concerning the job, for the whole week preceding the job interview. He was sure he would be rejected.

On the day of the interview he got up late, and to his horror he discovered that the shirt he had planned to wear was dirty, and the other one needed ironing. As it was already too late, he went out wearing a shirt full of wrinkles.

During the interview he was tense, displayed a negative attitude, worried about his shirt, and felt hungry because he did not have enough time to eat breakfast. All this distracted his mind and made it difficult for him to focus on the interview. His overall behavior made a bad impression, and consequently he materialized his fear and did not get the job.

Jim applied for the same job too, but approached the matter in a different way. He was sure that he was going to get the job. During the week preceding the interview he often visualized himself making a good impression and getting the job.

In the evening before the interview he prepared the clothes he was going to wear, and went to sleep a little earlier. On day of the interview he woke up earlier than usual, and had ample time to eat breakfast, and then to arrive to the interview before the scheduled time.

He got the job because he made a good impression. He had also of course, the proper qualifications for the job, but so had Allan.

What do we learn from these two stories? Was there any magic used? No, everything happened in natural way.

When our attitude is positive, we enjoy pleasant feelings and visualize what we really want to happen. This brings brightness to the eyes, more energy and happiness. The whole being broadcasts good will, happiness and success. Even our health is affected in a beneficial way. We walk tall, our voice is more powerful, and our body language shows the way we feel.

Positive and negative thinking are contagious.

All of us affect, and are affected by the people we meet, in one way or another. This happens instinctively and on a subconscious level, through our words, thoughts and feelings, and through body language.

Is it any wonder that we want to be around positive people, and prefer to avoid negative ones?

People are more disposed to help us, if we are positive, and they dislike and avoid anyone broadcasting negativity.

Negative thoughts, words and attitude bring up negative and unhappy moods and actions. When the mind is negative, poisons are released into the blood, which cause more unhappiness and negativity. This is the way to failure, frustration and disappointment.

Practical Instructions In order to turn the mind toward the positive, some inner work is required, since attitude and thoughts do not change overnight.

1. Read about this subject, think about its benefits, and persuade yourself to try it. The power of your thoughts is a mighty power that is always shaping your life. This shaping is usually done subconsciously, but it is possible to make the process a conscious one. Even if the idea seems strange, give it a try. You have nothing to lose, but only to gain.
   
   
2. Ignore what other people say or think about you, if they discover that you are changing the way you think.
   
   
3. Use your imagination to visualize only favorable and beneficial situations.
   
   
4. Use positive words in your inner dialogues, or when talking with others.
   
   
5. Smile a little more, as this helps to think positively.
   
   
6. Once a negative thought enters your mind, you have to be aware of it, and endeavor to replace it with a constructive one. If the negative thought returns, replace it again with a positive one. It is as if there are two pictures in front of you, and you have to choose to look at one of them, and disregard the other. Persistence will eventually teach your mind to think positively, and to ignore negative thoughts.
   
   
7. In case you feel inner resistance and difficulties when replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, do not give up, but keep looking only at the beneficial, good and happy thoughts in your mind.
   
   
8. It doesn't matter what your circumstances are at the present moment. Think positively, expect only favorable results and situations, and circumstances will change accordingly. If you persevere, you will transform the way your mind thinks. It might take some time for the changes to take place, but eventually they will.
   
   
9. Another useful techniques is the repetition of affirmations. This technique is similar to creative visualization, and can be used together with it. by Remez Sasson http://www.successconsciousness.com

Crazy Eight ~ A concept developed and popularized by Tony Robbins

One of the topic that Tony Robbins, the Master coach and Strategic Interventionist, covers in his programs is the “Crazy Eight”.

Understanding the Crazy Eight can help you break out of addictive or unhelpful patterns of thinking and/or behavior.

In brief, the emotional pattern of alternating between sadness and anger is called a crazy-eight.  Many people live most of their lives alternating between these two emotions.

The person experiencing a crazy-eight might start by getting really sad and helpless over an issue (job, marriage etc..). However, when this sadness begins to make them feel too weak OR when they stop feeling sorry for themselves, they snap out of it with anger. This makes him/her feel strong for short time. But then the human body cannot remain angry all the time OR it gets tired of being angry OR they realize that anger is not gettingthe anywhere; so they goes back to connecting with themselves and to feeling sad again.  Then they get tired of that OR feels that self pity is not going to get them out of this situation. So they get angry again and so the Crazy Eight goes around again.

This is a very simple pattern, and it’s not unique.

Do you experience this? Do you know how to get out of it? It is easy when you know how.

1.     Find out about your 6 human needs and put them in order of importance. Certainty ~ the need for stability safety and comfort

Variety ~ the need for Stimulus and Change

Significance ~ the need to be Special and Worthy of attention

Connection and love ~ to be connected with others, love and be loved

Growth ~ the need to develop and expand and grow as an individual


Contribution ~ the need to give over and above yourself to the bigger community and world


2.     Prioritize them (i.e. rank them in order of importance to you).

3.     Determine how you are meeting your top 3 needs.

4.     Think and determine how the crazy eight is meeting these needs.

5.     Is this pattern (the crazy eight) making you feel important (SIGNIFICANT) to those who love you? Do you get more attention (CONNECTION) from others? Does it offer CERTAINTY of attention? Is it exciting at times, hence providing VARIETY? Or CERTAINTY in failure keeps you in your comfort zone?

6.     It is said that if a behavior meets at least 3 out of 6 human needs it becomes addictive. And unless determined action is taken it will be very difficult to break out of it.

7.     So take the determined action. Understand your needs and then find a new and better way of meeting your top 3 needs. DROP the crazy eight and move on with your life. The Choice is yours…

In the past I have used alcohol to mask a Mental Illness. Firstly this was never going to help as Alcohol is a depressant, fact ! It is also a dis-inhibitor so if you feel down and you drink alcohol you could possibly act out on those feelings, this could be in the form of self harm or just further drinking which not only leads to its own health problems but it also prevents you from recovery from Mental Illness.  I think what im trying to say is that if you want to give yourself the best chance of beating any Depressive illness or Mental disorder your not going to do it by drinking alcohol !.  Booze will only add a secondary problem to your existing one, and vice versa, alcohol could actually be the cause of Depression or Mental Illness. So give yourself the best chance of Recovery and do it without drink guys and I promise you will have a much better chance of success and recovery ! Claire L Jones

Maslow's Hierarchy of needs ~ if your not meeting your needs in one specific area you may be experiencing symptoms of physical or emotional pain.

It is always worth checking in with this triangle of needs to make sure that your personal needs are being met by the things you "choose" to put in your life.

Sometimes we can feel a bit disjointed but just not sure why, this triangle by Maslow really does make things simple and can help you identify areas for you to work on including more of in your life.

Some people feel this dis-jointedness as a kind of craving. Some as physical pain and some "like myself" as foggy headed ness as well as pain and sometimes mania.  Normally the area Ive forgotten to work on is the self nourishment part "having fun" and the pain is a wake up call telling me to SLOW down and enjoy life !

Its really important to have a balance in your life and by ensuring your Human needs are being met you can live a happier and healthier life.

Write down what is important to you, what you like doing, what you would "like" to do, what you "want" to do and what you "have" to do, then make sure your not doing all the "have's" first, you are allowed to slow down and have a day off you know !

So if by seeing Maslows triangle you realise your forgetting something then get onto it, right now and don't forget to do a gratitude list before bedtime reminding yourself of all the good things you have to be grateful for to help you get a peaceful nites sleep !

Claire L Jones